With the rise of social media, I have to kick myself to remember to update my blog. Couple that with the fact that the older I get, the more that anything posted in public-view can be used against you (especially out of context) the less I tend to post. Ironic since nearly 20 years ago, when web-logs on websites first started, before we called them "blogs", everything was very personal! My archives even show it.
2016 has been a year for a change. BIG change. In March I got laid off from Sony. I put in 9 years, some really hard work, built an amazing team filled with amazing people. I've had to leave that in other hands and walk away. One of the most difficult things I've had to do. Sure people have said "lay-offs are just the 'new normal' way of business now" - which feels awfully heartless in some ways (even if it's true). Nonetheless, for a while I knew I needed something to change, I needed to grow, to do more, to do something different - and that option was provided to me by the universe.
The job search has been difficult. Lots of networking (especially for me!). Virtually no response from anything. Is it a tough market? Is it me? Is it a broken system, where ATS systems auto-scan for keywords and auto-reject if you do not meet the 82.37% hit rate? Impossible to say.
However, during that time another plan has been brewing. I'm working on pursuing it. I almost didn't, I almost set it aside due to my own self-doubts. But someone very important filled me with confidence one day. He got me talking about the idea. Talking about the plan. Made me realize, even though I don't think he believes he had a hand in it, that I had more of the plan in-hand, in-order, than I realized. Something switched "on" for me that afternoon. I've been filled with energy & passion every since. In fact I think the last couple days I had to pull back, slightly overloaded, and let things reset. Just management of energy mind you. I feel ready for tomorrow, for Monday, for the next steps, and the other various things I have on my diary for the day. I really hope in a few months I can come back and report on the stress and success I've been through. Cross your fingers for me!
This year has been a new chapter in my life. There's no other way to put it. As I reflect on how I've handled it, and this is also based on feedback I've received from someone in my professional circles, I'm pretty happy with how I've handled it all. I remember after getting laid off someone reached out and urged me not to fall down the well, not to get depressed about it. I have learned that I my psyche defers my grief when tragedy happens. It wasn't until June that the emotional burden hit me. But I managed through it and got to the other side. Now, things look so much different on this other side of life. In IT we used a term called a "green field" deployment - when you started from scratch, no burdened by old systems, old configurations, etc. That's where it feels I am at today, a "green field." There are options moving forward, one of which certainly requires I move forward with purpose, with strength, and promptly (not "fast" per-se, but steadily with purpose!).
And I'm dating someone new now! After 2 1/2 years following a very broken heart. I wasn't looking for it. Neither was he. And yet here we are. God, the universe, puts us where we need to be. When things are right, you feel it. It's like when you're floating in a tube down the river and you find the center of the current and everything becomes easier to do. The literal definition of "go with the flow." You feel the flow, the pull of the current, the movement of the universe around you, and allow it to take you where you need to go. Don't argue with the universe.
I was drinking tea this morning (somewhat ritualistically!) I felt the "burden" of life - not in a negative way - but in the sense that everything I've been through, all the good times all the bad times, they have all lead me to this point. This new chapter. Prepared me for this new person in my life. Given me the lessons in order to be the right man for him. It's given me the lessons to pursue this business idea I have. All the skills I've learned, the experience I have gather, making me ready to take on this challenge. I truly feel prepared, READY, for what is ahead. Richie inspires me, motivates me, gives me a sense of purpose again. He's been so amazingly supportive, beyond what I've ever felt. I cannot help but want to succeed!
The next few months will be busy (I trust, I hope!). It's not that things will be changing, it's realizing that things have already changed. Into what? That's up to me to craft, to manage, and to converse with the universe and determine. It's up to me to make happen. With someone by my side. I cannot help but to smile, to feel excited, and to feel so many emotions!