August 2006 Archives

I found a documentary online, downloaded it (slowly!!), produced by BBC2 called "Sad to be Gay" - a chap from the UK was tired of being gay. Well, moreso that he wanted to be "normal" - you know, wife, 2.5 kids, dog, house, car. He wasn't ashamed of being gay, he was tired of the scene. He wasn't getting anything out of it, to use his words. So he went to this ex-gay-program in Memphis (TN) called Love in Action.

It wasn't clear how long he was there; a week maybe? They took the cameras into the sessions & everything. It was extremely religious the course, and he was not, and that's where he ended up having a really hard time. Finally it was the point that caused him to leave the program. He didn't feel that connecting with God was going to change his sexuality. Everyone else in the program was very religious, so they were having an easier go of it than he was.

I don't want to judge the program. Maybe it does what some people need. Of the specific cases highlighted, it wasn't so much that they "turned you straight" so much as worked to supress the 'urges' - so you'd likely end up being celebate instead.

One thing I found interesting, which he pointed out, and which I've argued in my big paper on homosexuality versus organized religion, is that their entire argument depends on homosexuality being a 'choice' - something happened to make you this way, and thus it can be reversed. Everything falls apart if you were born this way (as I very much feel I was). You saw a minister in the show who addressed that, and just flat out dismissed that anyone was born gay. Kudos for the closed mind. I understand it, tho - because their entire argument, nay, their belief structure, begins falling apart if that possibility is true. Then they know they got someone pretty big "wrong." (Not that they haven't gotten things wrong before).

I saw the description of the programme, and I was really curious to see what it was about. In the end, the fellow from the show (and it was all him, btw, no reporter narrating or leading the show), after 2 months being back in the UK, felt much better about himself - he said one of the things he DID get from the program was that he realized he was in control, he could make decisions himself. Seems that's one of those things people have to learn as they grow up somehow. I've learned that. I've learned other people, and especially any specific culture, does NOT need to control me.

I'm very much like that bloke - I don't get much from the 'gay culture' - especially here in LA. It is, as he said too, very shallow, fairly promiscuous, etc. Fine. Don't hang with that crowd. That's not the entirety of 'gay culture' - I'm just happy having friends, we hang out, we have dinner parties, go out to shows, go on trips. Just like every other person in western civilization, yanno?

I did not go into this show expecting to judge this ex-gay program. I really was curious this fellow's reaction, his experience down this path. You don't get to see that type of situation very much. You may see people held up as examples, one way or the other (helped or not by the program, that is) - but that's politics, that's not "real" if you will.

I have to say I do have to question the motives of a program like that. It's expensive, first of all. It didn't look to be more than a few offices in a strip-mall, basically. A few people employed there. I think he quoted $700/wk for this program. Now what struck me was people who signed up for a couple of weeks, typically ending up staying for 3 months...or up to 9 months. My goodness! Either these really are "sheep" who can't make their own decisions and are easily drawn into situations where other people can make choices for them... or there's some scam going on. I would think, a truly Christian organization trying to help people have "normal" lives.. I would THINK they would want to help them move BACK into life, into a "normal" life. There was enough people volunteering to stay longer that it really just made me raise an eyebrow. $700/wk - and I saw no less than 10 people in that program "group therapy" class. Wow. And it's not like these folks are LIVING there - this isn't like "room and board" - this is simply the program. It's just enough to make me question motives, that's all. Much as I question the motives of shrinks - someone you pay $150/hr to have someone to talk to, to play the role of a what a real friend would do. I've talked about that one for years, tho :)

Overall, I enjoyed the documentary. There was one exercise that they showed from that program - where you make a timeline and show all the positive and negative events of your life. Sounded interesting. I'm always trying to record my history, write it down - this might be interesting to try. Will I get anything out of it? Won't know til I try, eh?

Cheers!

So far I'm very happy with both Codename: IVS (my homebrew solution I mentioned previously), and the use of greylisting, ala PostGrey. I refer you to the following graph:



Notice the steady decline of rejects? That's IVS in action, blocking spam-zombies after their first attempt so they cannot talk to us any further.



Then notice the significant drop-off about 8am yesterday? That's cut the reject rate in half - that's due to greylisting with postgrey.



Now I have business ideas I must contemplate! No personal email server should have to be faced with rejecting 120K+ emails a WEEK of spam - (especially with a total good intake of about 1500 legit emails). Spam's a horrible problem, and quickly things have gone from spam being the needle-in-the-haystack that you have to store out...to the other way around, where LEGIT emails are becoming the proverbial needle!

1431PST - Las Vegas, NV - DefCon 14 (0x0D).

I've been here since Sunday. This has, without doubt, been our best con yet - not only for the con, but also for the network team. The hotel staff (specifically for us, IT, AV, Electrical, stage-hands, and convention services) has been just amazing! We ask for something, it's done before we turn around. This is GREAT!

The main con space had sets of skyboxes around the upper floor. The NOC had our own! A nice, private, quiet space to work from - again, just fantastic! Staff had skyboxes for NOC, SecurityGoons, GoonGreenRoom, and Dispatch. We worked very hard to keep the NOC as *ONLY* the NOC - in the past the NOC has always a combination of those purposes - which is partly why the last two years we've just about avoided the NOC completely. I have pix that I'll post later.

There were the usual issues with "BadPeople" this year - a really beligerant drunk at a party on Friday nite. Then pepsi bottles & redbull cans thrown out a 7th story window (narrowly missing a hotel maint worker) Sat nite. The main penthouse had a huge party - and was thoroughly trashed (this after Heather & I had a long talk with the Asst Dir of Conv Svcs about concerns of that penthouse being trashed) - in fact, the baby grand piano was, when I talked to her this morning, missing. re-read that. MISSING. No idea how.

But I have not yet heard of ANY ambulance run. Nothing. That's weird. Must have happened, but I haven't heard about any.

Fri nite we went out to PT's Pub, where Mark works, and had a great time. My dear friend, Kathy, came out with us. Great time! Got back to the hotel about 2am. AgentX, Major, and I sat drinking in the NOC for a bit - then got pulled into handling a security issue for a party around the corner - short version is I didn't get to bed til 4:30a - and was back up at 8am! woot! 3.5 hrs sleep! YES!

Sat was pretty low-key. We just hung out. We were ALL sooooooooo tired. Then Luiz took us, some of his Brazilian friends (and a client?) out to dinner at the Hofbrauhaus. We had a great time!! Lots of pix (I don't know that any will make it to the Interweb, tho haha). But good times. We got back about midnight - sat down to have drinks in the NOC. The ambiance was slowing me down and so at 12:30 I just went to bed.

So our skybox, it sat right above Speaker Track 1 (the Big Room). Major was doing his talk on mag-stripe cards in Track 2 - we tried REALLY hard, and in fact had it all arranged, for him to move his talk to Track 1. So me and my team got all settled into our balcony ready to watch his talk - and some other guy came in to talk. Finally we realized that we got owned, and so we had to move to the other track.

Thta's all for now. I need to get stats & stuff ready for closing ceremonies. Cheers!