August 2008 Archives
I refuse to lose my passion. I refuse to give up on the things I care about. I refuse to let anyone take away the things that are important.
There are some activities today for folks at the reunion - I'm not attending, however. I have a 13:30 flight home. I knew I needed to sleep in.
The facilities guy at the hotel last night told me that all this haze & junk in the air was due to fires - he said there was a big one down by Happy Camp that had been going for 3 months. The air got worse yesterday as the day went on.
The banquet was great. It went off better than expected. We had 10 people show up to pay at the door--great! I don't know if we really needed to up the catering headcount, but we did. People started showing up a few mins before 6p. Most everyone was there within 30 mins. Got dinner served. I thought things were going to putter-out and people would start heading off for the after-party at LandMine about 8:30, but that's about when they got *started* -- girls started pullin' their guys out to dance -- or the DJ played "Macarena" and that got about 10 of the girls (same ones from high school haha) out on the floor havin' a good time. We ended up going til about 10p -- everyone was having a good time, I really felt proud having been able to help pull this together and that everyone was really enjoying themselves.
I stuck around after to help clean up, take away the party things. Got to final bill from the caterer. Cleaned up, changed clothes, got over to LandMine Productions about 11p. FYI, that's a production company/warehouse that one of our alumni, John Foote, started & is doing quite well at. He offered to use the stage/warehouse as an after-party location. I rather expected more people there, honestly--but maybe only half those from the banquet showed up. A handful of folks went to the after-party but not the banquet. I heard one of them make some comment about the "$100 dinner." He missed the point, apparently. That's fine, his loss.
I think I took off about 12:30a. Had said goodbye to everyone I could think of. I think I missed Bill (sorry Bill!).
Overall, it wasn't as bad as I had in my mind it could be. I was in "host-mode" during the whole banquet. Walking around, making sure people were doing ok, that everything was to everyone's liking. Tracey Worley pulled me out to dance at one point haha. During the last song, actually--I had the DJ play "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks (good DJ, btw, I need to write in & mention that).
I wasn't sure how this crowd would react to me being gay. Only a handful of people knew (Rob, Adam...maybe that's it? or all I know that know). Darren Davidson knew, however, and asked if I had any S.O. at the time. Very nice of him. Shelley Lockwood (now Rose) maaaaaaybe caught on? Not sure. She made some comment about "someone with so much art to his photos..." LOL. But she did press me about, "now you never answered my question [from email a couple months back]--did you ever get married?" I think perhaps that "settled it" for her. She hasn't hardly changed--she's a riot, I loved spending time with her. She seems very happy with everything in her life and I'm very happy for her! It was good to reconnect with her, and others.
I'm going to finish packing--drive around a bit more, take some imagery in, find some old haunts, and then get to the airport. I'm eager to be home, to not have to travel for a while. I'm exhausted (mentally mostly!), and dehydrated (the fire-air here is driving my sinuses nuts!) and will be happy to find my routine again.
The facilities guy at the hotel last night told me that all this haze & junk in the air was due to fires - he said there was a big one down by Happy Camp that had been going for 3 months. The air got worse yesterday as the day went on.
The banquet was great. It went off better than expected. We had 10 people show up to pay at the door--great! I don't know if we really needed to up the catering headcount, but we did. People started showing up a few mins before 6p. Most everyone was there within 30 mins. Got dinner served. I thought things were going to putter-out and people would start heading off for the after-party at LandMine about 8:30, but that's about when they got *started* -- girls started pullin' their guys out to dance -- or the DJ played "Macarena" and that got about 10 of the girls (same ones from high school haha) out on the floor havin' a good time. We ended up going til about 10p -- everyone was having a good time, I really felt proud having been able to help pull this together and that everyone was really enjoying themselves.
I stuck around after to help clean up, take away the party things. Got to final bill from the caterer. Cleaned up, changed clothes, got over to LandMine Productions about 11p. FYI, that's a production company/warehouse that one of our alumni, John Foote, started & is doing quite well at. He offered to use the stage/warehouse as an after-party location. I rather expected more people there, honestly--but maybe only half those from the banquet showed up. A handful of folks went to the after-party but not the banquet. I heard one of them make some comment about the "$100 dinner." He missed the point, apparently. That's fine, his loss.
I think I took off about 12:30a. Had said goodbye to everyone I could think of. I think I missed Bill (sorry Bill!).
Overall, it wasn't as bad as I had in my mind it could be. I was in "host-mode" during the whole banquet. Walking around, making sure people were doing ok, that everything was to everyone's liking. Tracey Worley pulled me out to dance at one point haha. During the last song, actually--I had the DJ play "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks (good DJ, btw, I need to write in & mention that).
I wasn't sure how this crowd would react to me being gay. Only a handful of people knew (Rob, Adam...maybe that's it? or all I know that know). Darren Davidson knew, however, and asked if I had any S.O. at the time. Very nice of him. Shelley Lockwood (now Rose) maaaaaaybe caught on? Not sure. She made some comment about "someone with so much art to his photos..." LOL. But she did press me about, "now you never answered my question [from email a couple months back]--did you ever get married?" I think perhaps that "settled it" for her. She hasn't hardly changed--she's a riot, I loved spending time with her. She seems very happy with everything in her life and I'm very happy for her! It was good to reconnect with her, and others.
I'm going to finish packing--drive around a bit more, take some imagery in, find some old haunts, and then get to the airport. I'm eager to be home, to not have to travel for a while. I'm exhausted (mentally mostly!), and dehydrated (the fire-air here is driving my sinuses nuts!) and will be happy to find my routine again.
The tour of Crater High School brought back a LOT of memories, a lot of faces, a lot of imagery from 20+ years ago. Some of the school remains the same (the lockers are the same hideous orange, yellow, and baby-blue they were way-back-then). But a brand new Performance Arts Center has been built (nice to see). The cafeteria (student center) was re-done. However, the remainder of the old school is largely as-is. Some offices converted. The old science class rooms were moved & the new "main entry " put in at the end of Hall D. It was fun - lots of pics!
Then we did the park for a picnic. It was almost all families. Didn't look like any of the single folk made it ('cept me). I ended up running out to grab Del Taco (mmmm!)--took a while, they were slow.
So that as fun - but I mostly hung back, watching people--as that's what I do.
Afterwards, I ran to the bank to get change for tonight, ran to Home Depot to get supplies for tonight--and then I went out to Sam Valley, out to where I used to live. That valley is so "small" compared to how my young mind remembered it. It used to seem so spacious, so open-- not so much in my older age now. A LOT of big willow trees dotting our old farm, around the house, down the drive-way. It was hard to even see that house. Yes, the thought ran through my head of going up & knocking to see if anyone was home, "Hi, yeah, I helped build this house 30 years ago." However, they had a gate at the top of the drive, with a key-pad on it. Clearly they did not like visitors. Drove around the area a bit. Ran over to Sams Valley Elementary School. It was shut-down for the summer, of course -- it was almost strange to think I could drive in, get out, wander around--no security AT ALL. Got some pics. Peeked inside Mrs. Shaffer's old classroom, where I spent 5th & 6th grades--hadn't changed at all! I could still see Mrs. Shaffer sitting at her desk in the far right corner, grading math papers (the teacher's desk is still there!).
I really enjoyed the rush of emotions, of feelings, of images that came over me this afternoon, driving around. At one point, Clay asked me (via txt) "miss it?" -- no, not really--there's nothing here for me to miss. But I do enjoy this "coming back" to see it all again. I don't think I could live here, tho. Somewhere else to call my home would be more appropriate.
Especially as I watch the interactions between people, I keep wondering "Did I do anything more than just live here?" I wasn't horribly social back then--still not amazingly social now. I'm more concerned and focused on ensuring people enjoy this weekend--so far so good.
On that note, I want to run down & check on the ballroom.
Then we did the park for a picnic. It was almost all families. Didn't look like any of the single folk made it ('cept me). I ended up running out to grab Del Taco (mmmm!)--took a while, they were slow.
So that as fun - but I mostly hung back, watching people--as that's what I do.
Afterwards, I ran to the bank to get change for tonight, ran to Home Depot to get supplies for tonight--and then I went out to Sam Valley, out to where I used to live. That valley is so "small" compared to how my young mind remembered it. It used to seem so spacious, so open-- not so much in my older age now. A LOT of big willow trees dotting our old farm, around the house, down the drive-way. It was hard to even see that house. Yes, the thought ran through my head of going up & knocking to see if anyone was home, "Hi, yeah, I helped build this house 30 years ago." However, they had a gate at the top of the drive, with a key-pad on it. Clearly they did not like visitors. Drove around the area a bit. Ran over to Sams Valley Elementary School. It was shut-down for the summer, of course -- it was almost strange to think I could drive in, get out, wander around--no security AT ALL. Got some pics. Peeked inside Mrs. Shaffer's old classroom, where I spent 5th & 6th grades--hadn't changed at all! I could still see Mrs. Shaffer sitting at her desk in the far right corner, grading math papers (the teacher's desk is still there!).
I really enjoyed the rush of emotions, of feelings, of images that came over me this afternoon, driving around. At one point, Clay asked me (via txt) "miss it?" -- no, not really--there's nothing here for me to miss. But I do enjoy this "coming back" to see it all again. I don't think I could live here, tho. Somewhere else to call my home would be more appropriate.
Especially as I watch the interactions between people, I keep wondering "Did I do anything more than just live here?" I wasn't horribly social back then--still not amazingly social now. I'm more concerned and focused on ensuring people enjoy this weekend--so far so good.
On that note, I want to run down & check on the ballroom.
"Gross Point Blanke"
Landing in MFR (Medford, OR) today. I still find it just insane that it's called the "Rogue Valley International Airport" -- They got the "international" status due to some agriculture need. Silly.
Flying in -- very hazy. smoggy? naw, not enough people for that - but all of No.Cal. seem to have haze settled between the mountains. Sad in a way.
Flying into MFR airport, spotting key roads, remembering a little bit of the lay of the land. When we landed, walking across the tarmack, I looked over & saw Hwy 62 - is that THAT close? I remember it being further away.
Keep in mind I haven't been here in 15+ years. I think I was 19 last I was here?
Lots has changed, naturally - and yet not so much. Medford seems so much smaller. I had to take a check down to the photographer earlier, which is "downtown" -- which took all of 5 mins to get to, and another 5 mins driving to the "south end of town." Medford used to seem to big.
The pizza/beer thing is in an hour (er, 50 mins). I think I'll wander over to Central Point, drive around for a few mins before arriving.
So far, not really so much "memories" coming back, just images.
Here's to hoping I have some fun -- but there is that "what do I have in common with anyone here anymore" feeling. Guess we'll find out!
Flying in -- very hazy. smoggy? naw, not enough people for that - but all of No.Cal. seem to have haze settled between the mountains. Sad in a way.
Flying into MFR airport, spotting key roads, remembering a little bit of the lay of the land. When we landed, walking across the tarmack, I looked over & saw Hwy 62 - is that THAT close? I remember it being further away.
Keep in mind I haven't been here in 15+ years. I think I was 19 last I was here?
Lots has changed, naturally - and yet not so much. Medford seems so much smaller. I had to take a check down to the photographer earlier, which is "downtown" -- which took all of 5 mins to get to, and another 5 mins driving to the "south end of town." Medford used to seem to big.
The pizza/beer thing is in an hour (er, 50 mins). I think I'll wander over to Central Point, drive around for a few mins before arriving.
So far, not really so much "memories" coming back, just images.
Here's to hoping I have some fun -- but there is that "what do I have in common with anyone here anymore" feeling. Guess we'll find out!
Interviewed today for someone (a press outlet) named Elixir ? Spent a good amt of time giving him sound bites & quotes. Might end up out out on the Newswire at some point.
Then Priest sent a couple of FBI's to me to talk about the Hacker Mindset. It was a really interesting, and good, conversation. I really enjoyed it. I've been around so long that most of the people I interact with here already know all this -- to talk to someone who's "new" to all this, it really makes me ... well, verbalize all the stuff I've had my mind on all week. It was neat. I'll never say I have "the answer"....but I have *a* perspective.
Anyway - good times!
Then Priest sent a couple of FBI's to me to talk about the Hacker Mindset. It was a really interesting, and good, conversation. I really enjoyed it. I've been around so long that most of the people I interact with here already know all this -- to talk to someone who's "new" to all this, it really makes me ... well, verbalize all the stuff I've had my mind on all week. It was neat. I'll never say I have "the answer"....but I have *a* perspective.
Anyway - good times!
Apparently Artimage and I have been married for years. He got approached by someone today and asked how I was doing. He thought he & I were "together"...and had been for years. LOL! It was awesome!
Just got done watching "Hackers Are People Too" - a hacker community documentary by Ashley Schwartau (Winn's daughter). It was really good. I gotta get a copy.
One thing one of the interviewees said which really struck me was (roughly) "Coming to DefCon is like coming home. It *is* home."
The focus of this documentary seemed heavy on the "hacker community." That hackers aren't just single individuals out doing nasty things, but that we're humans, we do normal things like buy cars and pay mortgages and get married and have kids--just like everyone else.
But somehow that line about "DefCon is like coming home" really is sitting strong in my head. I think about it--it really is for me. So many things in the movie were comments I've made for years - about being so rejuvinated afterwards, about how people treat each others as equals here, about how it's a type of "neutral zone" where people can meet and exchange information.
I've isolated myself a bit the last couple years for personal reasons. I feel the need to sit down with Agent X, as we do from time to time, and brainstorm. I feel the need to do more, contribute more. Sure I make a good contribution to the community by continually doing the network here, and keeping it up, stable, secure, etc. I really give most of the credit to my team (I am just the conductor now it seems like).
It's been a good week here - given me a LOT to think about in many aspects of my life.
One thing one of the interviewees said which really struck me was (roughly) "Coming to DefCon is like coming home. It *is* home."
The focus of this documentary seemed heavy on the "hacker community." That hackers aren't just single individuals out doing nasty things, but that we're humans, we do normal things like buy cars and pay mortgages and get married and have kids--just like everyone else.
But somehow that line about "DefCon is like coming home" really is sitting strong in my head. I think about it--it really is for me. So many things in the movie were comments I've made for years - about being so rejuvinated afterwards, about how people treat each others as equals here, about how it's a type of "neutral zone" where people can meet and exchange information.
I've isolated myself a bit the last couple years for personal reasons. I feel the need to sit down with Agent X, as we do from time to time, and brainstorm. I feel the need to do more, contribute more. Sure I make a good contribution to the community by continually doing the network here, and keeping it up, stable, secure, etc. I really give most of the credit to my team (I am just the conductor now it seems like).
It's been a good week here - given me a LOT to think about in many aspects of my life.
